I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
