your parents love me but you hate me
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
