Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
