I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
