sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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