I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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