Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
