I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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