oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
