If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize