is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
