youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
