yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
