UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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