Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
