We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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