I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
