i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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