pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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