she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
