Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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