I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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