how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
