oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
