he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
