youre lurking in front of me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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