are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my liver is dry heaving
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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