Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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