My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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