I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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