Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
