Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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