she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
