So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
