Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
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if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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