naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize