who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
