dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
