you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
