wat bout pragnant strippers??
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
