I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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