I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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