you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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