I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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