They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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