Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
