haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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