I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
