I seem to have left my pride at pride
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
