This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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