4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We left an ass print on the piano.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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