I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
