i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
