I must be too annoying 4 u.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
