I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
