Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
