I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
