After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
