you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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