My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
