i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
