Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
