when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
