I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
