i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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